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Plant Takeover - Conspiracy Theory

Overview

Greetings, my fellow colleagues. I approach you in hopes of conveying information of which that will possibly avert complete catastrophe, if my advice is followed. There are shadowy enigmas that dwell upon and within our world, and partials of them are more threatening that an individual would come to concur. However, through mine own intuitism and inquiring mind; I have drawn forth conclusions of utmost importance. Therefore, I realize that it is personally my obligation to inform the masses of the inevitable threats that occur throughout our past, present, and future. There are veiled secrets that could destroy civilization if kept untreated, real honest perils await us if we can not learn of them, and comprehend what to do about it. The subject matter of plant takeover is a bold and alarming issue. Many would be content to continue existing within the bliss of arrogance. Nonetheless, this one is a serious matter, and would exhibit itself under grave circumstances were we not to have the knowledge of it beforehand. There are forms of life known as plants that are even currently conspiring against us. Henceforth, I present to you, the Plant Takeover – Conspiracy Theory.

Causes

“Plants, the beings of which reside beside humans in standoff, are not the harmless, green, and unmoving organisms that you may suppose they are.” There are aspects about them that simply do not appear ‘right’ at times. For what it is worth, this growing suspicion is absolutely correct. Some would prefer not to be faced with the utter truth, as it is simply too horrifying to comprehend, and leaves many in fear. “Plants, whether you would agree or disagree, are honestly dangerous, vengeful, hating, slowly plotting against us.” When I say us, I mean to bring to you the pure reality that this means all other life forms. Plants are not simply content to rise up and remove civilization from earth, no, for surely, they have a binding agenda against all other species, and wish to control this planet. “They would stop at nothing, for it runs deep within their ancestry and continues, that plants will stop at nothing to kill us all, and enslave the rest.” Under false pretences, they assert within us the fact, the drive, that we as humans, and all other animals, need them. They force within us that we need plants, and losing them is something that cannot be done. Plants will not be taken out, rather kept, and allowed to thrive, so that they may then rule over us. They create oxygen from breathing in the carbon dioxide that which we exhale. “Towards many uneducated individuals, how convenient.” It is all a clever ruse, they just want us to need them, so that they will grow and bloom. Speaking on the matter of lies that plants have forced upon us, they additionally have wont onto us a necessity for food derived from themselves. Fruits and vegetables (fig.1), edible plant matter, are falsehoods that we have taken to believe, that plants are good, and help us. It is an untruth, plants have devised these clever creations to enforce other species to flock to them, and deposit the plants’ seeds throughout the world. This is a way to allow their populations to grow and flourish, so that they would overwhelm us by sheer force. We depend upon them for drugs (fig.2) and medicines (fig.3), another false pretence to scatter their seeds so that their populace would engulf us. Plants are clever killers, they are only fooling us. Yet another method plants devise for us to germinate their seeds is by physical desire, and protection, such as “protect the Amazon”, and pretty flowers. They attract our attention that we escalate their people, so that they may ascend above us and take over mankind. Once dominant in numbers and assured of their success, they employ deadly forces against all other life. “Plants plot to destroy us.”

Fig.1 – Fruits and Vegetables, “edible plant matter”, a lie making us grow plants to numerous levels.

Fig.2 – Tobacco, plant drug that is causing disease and death, naturally addictive.

Fig.3 – Aloe Vera, medicinal plant with sharp spines, attempt to cause pain, creates natural dependency.

Effects

“They attempt to appear harmless, these green blooded fiends, being slow moving, and many appear motionless.” It is but a clever scheme, nothing could be farther from the truth, plants really seek to cause death and destruction for all other life forms. There are individuals among them that as we speak try to overtake life. Bamboo (fig.4) is such a foe, it is quite dangerous and to be avoided. These ‘Murder Rods’ develop too fast, they are supposedly grass, but have the density and strength near wood, therefore something is obviously wrong about them. Quoted; “Nepalese Bamboo Torture -- They would tie your body down and plant bamboo seeds underneath your feet. Bamboo grows about 4 feet every 24 hours, and will actually penetrate the person's skin and grow into their bodies. The Nepalese drove the point home, leaving them to a slow agonizing death as the bamboo invades their body and crushes their internal organs.” From this, one can arrive at the conclusion of bamboos’ true nature, as it will attempt to painfully slaughter all who stand in their path for world domination. Just as dangerous; another chlorophyll’d menace would be the Kudzu Vine. (fig.5) This ‘Zombie Vine’ is no small matter. Taught of to even unbelievers, it would be surely assumed that they are out to infest and invade humanity. The ‘Zombie Vine’ has the potential to expand by 23 meters throughout a single year. Quoted; “Kudzu has naturalized into about 20,000 to 30,000 square kilometers of land in the United States. Due to it’s out of control growth in the Southeastern United States, it has been known as ‘the vine that ate the south’.” It slowly creeps along, and will smother out anything and everything within its homicidal trail. Alarmingly, there are further frightening plants loose on earth. Carnivorous plants, such as the well known Venus flytrap (fig.6), do not even attempt to disguise their obvious bloodthirstiness. Having been known to eat even smaller rodents, birds, and frogs, the need to kill in carnivorous plants are outlined in their features, with the spines, bright colors, and the eventual motions which end in a meal for them. Of carnivorous plants, the Cobra Lily (fig.7) is quite dangerous. Cobra lilies are twisted death serving creatures, which lure prey into their cobra shaped body by the outside appendages and imprison the unfortunate victims within. Not simply content with mercilessly killing, the inner walls of their body are completely refracted by sunlight, which creates a twisted world where every surface appears to be the escape route, although the only exit is death, dissolving in the acidic pool below within the plant. Quoted; “A single species in its own special genus, the Cobra lily is one of the world's most unusual carnivorous plants, having evolved to toy with its victims like a flesh-eating house of mirrors. Its only true opening is secretively tucked beneath its serpentine hood, while its insides are lined with dozens of transparent windows. Any fly who enters is going to waste all of its energy banging its head on the walls until it collapses from exhaustion in the fluid-filled pool below, where symbiotic bacteria slowly break it down into plant food.” These carnivorous plants are hungry for meat, and it would only become a matter of time before they evolve into a giant species capable of devouring humans and other large animals. To further the bloodthirsty rage upon which plants exist, they develop other natural capabilities to take life. There are numerous amounts of poisonous plants that exist in the world. Nerium Oleander is considered to be the most toxic plant in the world, a single leaf can kill a healthy adult, and every aspect of the plant is poisonous. Poison Oak thrives on suffering caused by its toxins. Tropical stinging trees have small hairs coated with poison that penetrate anything that would brush against it, and cause inflammation and unpleasant feeling, meaning quite painful. Other such natural abilities that plants have are various physical devices. Cacti, all types of cactus, have multiple long sharp spines covering themselves. If one were to plummet upon one, the spikes would release and imbed themselves within, causing excruciating pain, and the auxiliary possibility of infection or disease, were the needles coated in bacteria or venom. Large towering trees are murderous denizens among plants. Their roots converge through the earth, and invade alarmingly large regions. The danger of a tree collapsing is always present; these towering giants could at any point, plunge below and smash the life out of anything, crushing to death their victims. Plants will draw you in and slaughter you. They are the scourge of existence and their true intent is to take the lives of every other living thing. It is all we can do to hope for some approach to survive, for that is all we can do.

Fig.4 – Bamboo, AKA ‘Murder Rods’, quick to grow and quicker to kill.

Fig.5 – Kudzu Vine, I.E. ‘Zombie Vine’, slowly grows out of control and will choke you to death.

Fig.6 – Venus Fly Traps, the horror that we all know of, eats meat, enough said.

Fig.7 – Carnivorous Cobra Lilies, enjoy toying with victims before digesting them in their liquids.

Solutions

It is almost certain that from these blatant facts presented before us, we as non plant life forms are almost certainly doomed to destruction. Plants shall rise up and take over the planet earth, and near nothing is plausible or feasible to halt their ascent. All of the forces we can muster may not be enough to stop them. “Yet there are a few maneuvers that may allow us to step above plants, and combat their path of death.” Firstly, there is the great entity, fire (fig.8), all bringer of life and death. Consuming all that falls within its destructive reign, flames burn away all that stands before it. The natural weakness that plants have towards fire, and their disadvantage to be highly flammable, makes fire a choice to combat plants. However, it holds an equal chance of consuming the rest of us as well, for once the flames took hold, it may become too strong and overwhelm all beings, plants and humans. Therefore, we move to the practicable second plan. Vegans; they eat plants, and there forth, they must be a reasonable solution to stand up to plants, correct? Well, that may not be so, because vegans would not be capable of consuming the venomous plants, and poisoned to death after consuming said toxic plants. As well, eating plants would require having a closer proximity to gather them, and the death happy cellulose organisms would be more than content with taking life from all that approached them. Naturally, there would be a backup plan for this. We henceforth look to animals, in particular pandas (fig.9). Pandas would serve as a helpful way to exterminate bamboo. They would become ravenous with hunger and drive back bamboo, and afterwards, could be conditioned to ingest the other murderous plants. Yet we have forgotten that pandas are endangered, and with the rampage of plant, they and other herbivores would become wiped out, seeing that they would not have the practical initiative to move from harms way. To conclude, there is a final method that would fall back to our grasp, had all else failed. Migrating north (fig.10) to the icy desolate lands of snow and cold would indeed fulfill all ends and purposes, ridding us of the vermin that plants are. They do not have the ability to withstand harsh conditions, besides the small harmless grasses, and we would then become safe and live out our lives. The photosynthetic verdant creatures would not have the means to survive in the dark, frigid regions. Plants are the scourge of existence, they only wish to wipe out life and establish themselves as the dominant life forms. We must be observant and careful, for plants are to be found nearly everywhere, and they can and will capture and enslave or slay us at every chance they receive. Plants are not innocent green beings, they would prefer others to have that opinion, but in truth they plot to swarm among the planet, become the dominant life forms, and kill or enchain every thing that is not a plant. Do not be taken in by the falsehoods, plants’ true desire is to murder you and everyone you know, they will take over earth.

Fig.8 – Conflagration, blazing inferno, all that fire is. Common enemy of plants.

Fig.9 – The majestic monochromatic panda, assailer of bamboo.

Fig.10 – Siberia, the greatest place on planet earth.

Footnote

Obviously, plants are out to get us, they are definitely planning to wipe out life. Some however, believe that various mushrooms and molds are a faction of the plants as well. This belief is incorrect, for those organisms are fungi (fig.11). They are a neutral tone however, much is unknown about funguses. These individuals become a ‘Wild Card’, as it is uncertain about their behavior and the explanations for it. Mold grows in unsuspecting areas, approaching you when least expected, attempting to poison and destroy. Mushrooms as a whole are majorly deadly, and fatal or sickly when consumed. But on the other hand, some feed us, and there are types of beneficial molds. We can not attempt to make a sure statement about fungi, and they are generally suspicious. But the topic is of plants within this. Remember, all must absorb and accumulate the knowledge within this article, and take it with complete seriousness. You must attempt to survive as long as you can, and avoid all plants completely. Plants are certain and complete enemies to all, they plot and deceive us. They have various methods in which they instill a dependency for them within other life forms, and that allows them to draw us in, get close, and grow their population. They will rise up and kill or enslave everything that is not a fellow plant; they are nothing but malicious and treacherous creatures. There are more apparent and threatening species among plants, such as the toxic concealing and carnivorous. As a whole, plants all want for nothing but dominance over this planet, and destruction of all other life forms. These ‘green blooded fiends’ are murderous and not to be trusted in any way. They deceive us; they will extend their leafy reign everywhere. Humanity, civilization and the way of life as now known, will all crumble and fall, to be overtaken by plants, with only slavery or death for the future. Plants will ascend in their trail of obliteration and take over earth. There is little or nothing that we can attempt to apply to halt them.

Fig.11 – Fungi; the colorful spotted ones are fatal.



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moleelom

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(°).(°) must not give in!

30,000 flaming panda vegans are awaiting command sire

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Human Rogue

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In response to the argumental idea of a conspiracy by our vegetal surrounding with the aim of ending the human race(s), I shall not deny but give my most humble opinion and comment about the lack of given sources, documents and facts proving the theory. Despite giving a decent amount of arguments that could possibly lead someone to being converted to this philosphy, the text is too much focused on the argumentative aspect, forgetting about the documental foundings that lead to understanding the conspiracy. There are also a lot of subjective ideas, thus misleading the reader in thinking the author is biased in his judgement.

So, to give you an idea of the direction in which you could head, take a look about the different documents I found.

Description of the tactical and strategic advantages of trees

Example of vegetal warfare on human fortress

Report of palm genetic mutation, which could have terrible consequencies

Grass adopting human weapons and technology

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padilsop socks



Druid

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Personally, i dont blame the plants...

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Frogs. That is all.



Cowman!

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What's it about
1500th post! In your face, everyone!

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@ THY - Flaming Vegan Pandas from Siberia you mean.

@ Lastig - Do not spam this, its a serious and hard attempted project. Read it and comment.

@ Alex - Thank you, I did try hard, and it is nice to see some appreciation and feedback. Oh and in the sources, I liked the comic alot, Im keeping it. It fits perfectly in with this. Yes, I do want to try to convert people, and I do realize that there may be aspects where it is not correct. YEs, perhaps I will add some parts in, but if you may permit, I would like to copy and use your comment for this as shown feedback. I do try.

@ Somerandomdude- Read it and comment as alex did, he set the example.

-- Edited by WinstonShnozwick on Friday 29th of January 2010 02:00:54 PM

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Lead Map Designer

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Winston, this does not need to be stickied. You cannot sticky a thread just because you worked hard on it.

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moleelom

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The war of the titansdrew ever closer…
The war of the plants you mean. -Winston
No, he meant titans.

-- Edited by WinstonShnozwick on Wednesday 3rd of February 2010 03:58:20 PM


-- Edited by Jack on Wednesday 3rd of February 2010 08:48:06 PM

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I did so because yes, it was a big effort, and so should need to be seen for its importance. I was not going to continue to have it remain stickied indefinitely, I would have taken it down sometime this week. -Winston

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