So, you may have been hereing certain rumours around... about my future occupation. Indeed it is true, I am to become a writer! Celebrations!
Having decided such a thing, I decided I had better get writing. I haven't yet written a full, 30 000+ word story. In fact I haven't been writing very much at all lately. I thought I'd better get started, and what better to start with then an awesome fantasy?
Opinions and constructive criticism please.
A monster, they called me. Unnatural, unholy, evil – all of these they used to describe me. They were wrong. They were too judgmental, those who were lucky enough to survive the End of Days intact. I was not one of them, am still not one of them. That doesn’t mean I’m evil.
Back, long back, when we were first settling this New World, I was one of the last to come across from the other side. I don’t even know how I came here. I was found, in the woods, by huntsmen. They were horrified, though I showed no aggression. They tried to kill me.
I ran, like I had never run before. I sprinted through this strange new world, first through green forest, shrub and bush. The further I ran, the more the flora around me thickened, became darker. The huntsmen soon gave up the hunt, and I stopped running and caught my breath.
I was alone in a strange forest in a strange new world. I was only fifteen.
~~
Years passed – almost a decade. I didn’t keep count, couldn’t keep count. Every attempt I made at approaching any humans ended in them trying to kill me. They rejected me from civilization. I soon stopped trying to regain my place within civilization. I got the message.
Over the years I became more and more beastly, more wild and lawless, as I slowly forgot my old life within civilization. I was forced to live among the animals. I had to hunt and gather with bear hands in order to obtain food. I had to drink from dirty rivers and lakes. At first it was difficult – I soon overcame it, my survival instinct took over.
Years passed. Memory of my civilized life, memory of the Old World and of my beloved Master, faded. By the time I was twenty-four, it all seemed like some vague dream. And I did dream of my old life, almost every night. It added to the illusion of it being a dream.
Over time, the Humans of the nearby village became bolder, their woodsmen, hunters and lumberjacks venturing further into the forest I inhabited. I avoided them as best I could, but conflict was inevitable. I killed two, maybe three lumberjacks who had not headed my warnings. I became something of a legend among the peasantry of the village.
The woodsmen feared venturing too far into the forest, but their Lord forced them to. He wasn’t one to believe superstition, especially when it got in the way of work.
Eventually the Lord decided to venture into my forest with a company of soldiers to prove to the villagers that there was no ‘half-dead monster’ as they called me.
~~
I proved him wrong. I could see it in his face, when he first caught sight of me. He will never forget me. Though I’m not sure if that’s a good thing –whether he’ll send more soldiers in to destroy me or whether he will fear this place and I’ll finally be left in peace.
But sight alone was not enough to deter the stubborn man from invading my forest. He sent some of his men chasing after me. It was a mistake – a grave one. I knew the intricacies of these trees as no other human could. I had lived in the wild so long they were almost a part of me now.
The soldiers he sent chasing after me wandered the maze of trees that was my home. They stumbled hopelessly, not even noticing me stalking them from the concealment of lush undergrowth. I waited for the right moment to strike, then pounced as if I were stalking animal prey – as if they would actually put up a fight.
NOTE: This isn't by any means complete or final - I haven't even edited it yet this is just raw story writing from me writing as I came up with new ideas...
You write in very short paragraphs which makes it flow erratically. Unless you intend for it to be short you should lengthen each passage. There are no transitions between paragraphs which gives the impression of time flowing very quickly. Probably what you want but just in case this continues I'm calling it out early. The character is pretty spiteful and holds a grudge against a lot of things so you'll need to give him some positive aspect if you want him to be likeable. I like the passive description of events as opposed to real time, imagery lush things because it gives more of a story feel. However you can't keep that going for the length you seem to want. The character loses his appeal at the end when he changes from being someone lost to someone arrogant and malicious. I wouldn't go down that road. Try more human emotions about killing. Stories about emotionless, inhuman characters tend to lose focus because you can't find a purpose in it. What imagery you do use tends to be good but its hard to say if youre going to maintain it. For good literature just avoid adjectives whenever possible and use nouns and verbs instead. You said "bear" instead of "bare". Biggest point is character development. Even serial killers should have human aspects. Only pure evil characters can be completely apathetic. :)
